Remember Self-Care During The Holidays

Self-care. We hear that term all year long and many of us struggle to make it a priority in the downtimes, let alone during the super busy, crazy times that many of us experience around the holidays. Or you may be one of those individuals with a fantastic self-care routine year round but forget during those holiday months when you’re running around doing all of the shopping, cleaning, cooking, hosting, decorating, wrapping, baking for the 10,000 activities the kids participate in and all the other things that need to be completed. In many families, it’s more common for the females to achieve many of these tasks all while maintaining a job, taking care of the kids, and tending to the never-ending to-do list. For the love of Pete, how do you manage to fit in self-care?

Self-care doesn’t have to be a fancy and expensive day-long spa event to be nourishing (although that sounds amazing -doesn’t it?). It can be as simple as getting up 5 minutes before everyone else to sit in silence before the day's craziness begins. While it doesn’t have to be something huge, it is essential to help you reduce stress and maintain calm. And when you feel better, you are more likely to stay in peace, and therefore, those around you will benefit from your positive holiday spirit.

Some Self-Care Tips to consider when moving through the holidays:

Intentionally Set Aside Time For YOU

Whether you do as previously mentioned and get up 5 or 10 minutes before everyone else or go to bed after everyone else, set aside some time for yourself daily whenever possible. Go somewhere quiet, sip some tea or coffee, meditate, or write in a journal. You could even take a few minutes to sit in your car and listen to music before entering the house after running an errand. Your schedule may change daily during these busy times and perhaps grabbing a minute or two in between activities is the only way you get a few minutes of peace, but look at your schedule each day and find where you can experience those few minutes and intentionally use that time for your tranquility.

Set Boundaries

This can mean a lot of things depending on what you need. You’re probably being asked to do a ton of things. Go to this potluck. Make brownies for that kid thing. Contribute to the bake sale. Head up the volunteer thing at work. Shop for all the family members. Whatever it is, if you are feeling overwhelmed, there is likely something you can say ‘no’ to. In the next section, we discuss prioritizing. Once you prioritize that list, figure out what you can say “no” to. 

Boundaries may also imply conversations with your family. For example, if members of your family bring up politics at dinners, which always leads down a heated path resulting in someone throwing the turkey across the room (well, now, THERE’S a visual!), perhaps lay down the law at the start of the day. “If you’re coming to my house, no political talk!” I had an uncle who was racist and frequently used the word “retard” in front of my intellectually disabled brother. So many times, I wished my parents had set those boundaries with him!! Although, in my world, perhaps I should be grateful they didn’t, as I’ve learned through their passiveness to speak up for myself and set those boundaries in my adult life.

Prioritize

First, keep a calendar with all important events visible for the entire family and color-code it for each individual. Or you could color-code it by the importance of the activity scheduled. Make sure you and all family members check the calendar daily.  When managing your to-do list, keep all your items in one running list for daily and weekly tasks. Once you have your list, make some decisions. Can you delegate some of these tasks to another person? Since the holidays are hectic, can some things be postponed until after the busy season? If your leftover to-do list is still as long as the men found in NBA locker rooms,  prioritize items by importance and tackle them first thing in the day.  You’ll gain momentum by the freeing feeling you’ll have once the “absolutes” are out of the way.

Another thing to consider is determining if everything on your list needs to happen. Where can you set boundaries and say “no?”  Do you have children in multiple activities? Can you say yes only to the parties and bake sales of the activities that are most special to your children? Are there parents you can collaborate with to take over a party on a busier day while you return the favor at another time? Working together as a family, with your coworkers and/or other families involved in your children’s lives, may help you cut down that to-do list and make your life a little easier.

Don’t Keep It All Bottled Up

We all know that emotions can run high around the holidays. This may be especially true if you’re trying to do it all, recently went through a loss, or are dealing with loneliness, or a million other things that may be more likely to rear their ugly heads during the holidays. The holidays were hard for me for a long time as I was typically the only single person in the room at family gatherings. I made my choices and traveled a lot in my 30s when others were creating their families. The comments and questions from well-meaning family and friends, especially during the holidays, often had me questioning my life choices. And frequently, I felt like the only single person, so who would I talk to when feeling crappy? Who would understand me? And so, I kept it all inside. It usually didn’t serve me well, as I almost always got sick right after the holidays. We can attribute that to being around many people, but I worked in healthcare then and didn’t get sick other times of the year. I figured my resilience was lower due to feeling sad and keeping it hidden. So I’ve learned ways to let my emotions out. Journaling works very well for me. Also, I’m lucky to have friends who will listen to me when I need an ear. 

Look into your life and consider what’s happening and what may trigger big emotions, especially during the holidays. Are you prone to keeping feelings of frustration, sadness, grief, or anger inside? How can you let go of these feelings so they don’t pile up, causing you to explode because your husband didn’t put the toilet seat down or break down into tears because your kid forgot his lunch? Consider practicing some of those activities to release emotions before they get to that point of explosion over a minor thing.

Take Care Of Your Body

It’s so easy to forget the things we do for ourselves during the rest of the year when time is short, yet when you’re feeling a lot of stress, its the most crucial time to take care of your physical needs. Exercise your body, even if it means you go for a quick 20-minute walk at the start of the day. Perhaps you could make it a family thing and walk after dinner while you look at the Christmas lights. YouTube is great for finding quick 15, 20, and 30-minute exercise videos, so you don’t even have to leave your house. 

Other ways to care for our bodies include staying hydrated throughout the day, getting enough sleep, taking vitamins, and eating healthful foods. Also, learn to listen to your body. Maybe you have a lot going on, but how well will you accomplish all those things if you’re constantly run down or make yourself sick? If your body is telling you it really needs rest, consider putting off a couple of tasks to get an extra hour of sleep. Meditation and mindful breathwork also work wonders for resetting and rejuvenating your body, not to mention helping to reduce stress in times of chaos.

Ask For Help

It seems easy to say, but how many of us actually do it? Why has our society made it so taboo to ask for support? The strange thing is this: many of us are afraid to ask for help, perhaps because it makes us appear weak or vulnerable. However, have you ever noticed in those times during our lives when the sh*t really hits the fan how many people came out to support you? Whether with a kind word, a supportive shoulder, or financial or physical help. People do seem to want to help, and as a society, we should get better at leaning on others. There’s a reason the saying “it takes a village…” exists. And asking for help can be something so small yet so impactful. Have you ever had a time in your life when you thought you were asking for the world and the person you asked went above and beyond the simple thing you asked for, making your life feel 1,000 times better in that moment? Go ahead! Ask for assistance! Most people want to help, and it will help you keep your sanity.